And just like that freshman year of college has come to an end. I honestly cannot believe it. It feels like just yesterday I was throwing my cap up in the air in a room full of proud parents and hundreds of nervously excited high school grads.
I remember my first day of college so well, new shoes, new backpack, new emotions. I walked into my first class early, butterflies in my stomach as I chose a seat toward the right side of the room so I wasn’t smack in the center, afraid of being totally exposed. I was so very optimistic. So sure that all that was ahead of me was bright and magical and exciting. Oh how very naive I was!
College wasn’t as exciting as I thought it’d be. Not as fun as Hollywood portrays it to be. And definitely nothing like high school. It was different. A change. And one I wasn’t prepared for.
Have I mentioned how much I hate change?
Well, I do hate it. I really do despise change.
College is lonely. It’s a big place full of tired “kids” who don’t want to be there, don’t know where they want to be, and don’t really know where they’re going. In fact, they’re scared of where they’re going.
My shift from a perfect, fun, educational, adventurous high school to the monotonous college life was not one I was ready for.
Because of this, I definitely struggled throughout my freshman year. Academically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. On the outside, I looked like I had my stuff together! Assistant entertainment director for the school paper, on a full scholarship, always a smile on my face, and still making time to see old friends and serve in church! I was doing GREAT! Wrong. I was so far from great. So far from having “my stuff together.” So far from happiness.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change any of it for anything. Every single experience I had this past year was for a purpose. The good, the bad, the ugly. It has made me a much stronger person. I’m learning to rely on God, not just acknowledge him. To learn from things, not just accept that they happened. To appreciate people, not just exist with them. To find my purpose, not slave over finding success.
Life is so unexpected. Who you were a month ago is not who you are today. We are constantly learning from experiences, adapting to our circumstances, and absorbing everything around us. While it’s important to not be afraid of change, we have to remember to stay true to ourselves throughout it all. Be sure of who you are and who you want to be and trust God with the rest.
That’s a lot easier said than done, isn’t it? But how vital it is! When you finally learn to fully trust God with everything, life is so much smoother, so much more relaxed, and so much happier.
I’m not saying everything is roses and pansies with me now, but I’m definitely learning to be happy in all circumstances no matter where I am in life. How freeing it is! To be content is one of the greatest arts one can learn.
No matter where you are in life, know that you’re there for a reason. Even in a mundane life, you influence everyone around you constantly. And every part of your life is like a puzzle piece. It’s all working together to make up the masterpiece of your life. Some pieces are all black, some are hard to make out, and some may be brighter than the others, but when you put it all together, it’s beautiful! It’s complete.
Anyway, enough of the sappy rant. Life has been hard, but I’ve learned so much amidst the difficulties. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot of good experiences too! New friendships, new interests, and some seriously great times!
And now on to the next year! May it be better than the last, but may I learn just as much as the last.
(Also I’m going to Italy next week and I’m so excited WOWOWOWOWOW and T R U S T me they’ll be a lot of pics!!!!)